One of the hardest things about being mentally ill is explaining it to people. The hardest thing I've had to deal with is explaining it to my daughters(my own and my partners daughter). I have had to try to explain and answer questions for both my daughters, most recently with my younger daughter.
We want what is best for our kids and for them to be normal and happy. We worry that they may also suffer from mental illness and the knowledge of what they can suffer for it is terrifying. We want to be the parents and maintain appropriate authority in the home. We do not want to be diminished in our children's eyes. I think that most parents feel that way.
The girls are 19 and twenty years old now and have obviously known for some time that there were problems. Now we have a sort of ongoing conversation about it.
My own daughter was only ten years old the first time in her life I was hospitalized for mental illness. She was asleep when I went to get help and I called a friend to go to my house and get her. I feel terrible about the way I handled things that time as it was obviously a shock to her to be woken up by someone else early in the morning and hear that I was in the hospital. She stayed with her father while I was in and he even brought her to visit me so she could see that I was okay. Of course while he was there he put in his oh so helpful two cents worth about how I wouldn't be depressed if I didn't sit around feeling sorry for myself. He also likes to help my daughter understand my mental illness(as self indulgence and foolishness).
I only met my younger daughter when she was 12 years old although she and my older daughter were in school together and were friends before I met her father. I think she very much had it harder that the older one as both her (birth)mother and her father were on disability for mental illness since before she was born. Now she has three crazy parents and yet seems to be the most mentally healthy of all of us.
These are two of the sweetest, kindest girls in the world. They absolutely deserved to have normal parents and normal lives. My partner and I carry a lot of guilt for what they have experienced and for the things we could not protect them from.
I couldn't protect the older one from bullying. She was bullied in middle school to the point that she tried to kill herself at the age of fourteen. I couldn't protect her from mental illness. After a recent conversation I now believe she is also bipolar. Did she inherit it from my bad genes? Did it rub off on her because she grew up with a crazy mother? (tears, tears, tears.) I hope that if she is that she can get diagnosed and treated soon. I do not want her to suffer untreated for years like I did(and finally knowing that I am bipolar has made a big difference for me).
We could not protect the younger one from her mother or homelessness. When she was thirteen she had a falling out with her father and stopped coming to see us or talk to us. Shortly after that her mother began throwing her out of the house. I do not think that her mother is a bad person, I think it is a peculiarity of her illness. She did the same with my partner multiple times when they were together and with her older daughter(not my partners child). the terrible thing is that our younger girl was afraid to come to us at that time and we never knew until a couple of years later.
After not seeing or hearing from her for a long time, and knowing that her father was afraid to try to contact her because he thought she hated him, I took the initiative and bought her a christmas present and put his mane on it and took it to her mothers. She was not there because she was not living there. Her mother did not tell me that. I am just grateful that she passed on the gift.
I also grew up with mentally ill parents and considering the abuse they suffered I am willing to bet that I come from a long line of crazy people. I avoided passing on the worst of what I and my parents suffered and I hope that if my girls have kids that they will do even better.